Hiei n' Weed
by Tea in the Sahara
Summary: Hiei....weed....little pink elephants.......c'mon...you know you're curious...(CHAPTER 5 & 6 ARE UP!)*no flames please*
1. Hiei n' Weed: The Trauma Begins

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of its characters, though I wish I owned Hiei, so don't sue me because I'm broke anyway.  
  
The day was cool, and the weather was great. Not a cloud in the vast blue sky. The grass was a healthy dark shade of green and the flowers were bright shades of red, yellow, and blue. As he was lying on the ground, he felt a slight gentle breeze sweep over him. The birds sang their beautiful songs with glee as the sun shone down from the trees above. He breathed in the wonderful scent of fresh dew upon the grass. The stream beside him was so pure and clear and a slight mist caused a rainbow to form. All of the forest creatures were dancing all around him. "Hnn.what a beautiful day." he sighed to himself. Everything was wonderful until.  
  
*BUUUUZZZZZZZZ!!!!! * "K'SO!!!!!" Hiei shot up from his bed. He turned to his alarm clock to shut it off, which read 5:30am. Stumbling out of bed, he walked towards his bathroom. He slowly opened the door and walked in. He went in and "paid his morning water bill", and then stepped up to the sink to wash his face. Then, he looked in the mirror at the dark circles under his eyes. "Damnit.I'm tired." he said. He hadn't slept well in weeks. Afterwards, he resumed down the stairs to eat some breakfast. A good old bowl of Apple Jacks did the trick. He went upstairs to get dressed for school in his usual attire, which consisted of all black. Then he grabbed his book bag and was off to school.  
  
He got to school around 6:30am, right at the crack of dawn. Since he usually got to school early enough that no one was there, he rolled a blunt of weed and smoked it. He only did this on very few occasions though, because he knew that it wasn't in his best health or fighting interests. On this morning in particular, however, he smoked maybe 3 or 4 joints. He took his boom box out of his book bag and put on the radio. The song "Material Girl". "Hn.my favorite Madonna song!." said Hiei out loud. So he started to sing along with the song and dance around to it.  
  
"Some boys kiss me  
  
some boys hug me  
  
I think they're ok  
  
But if they don't give me proper credit I'll just walk away  
  
They can beg  
  
and they can plead  
  
But they can't see the light  
  
Cause a Boy with the cold hard cash  
  
is always Mr. Right.  
  
Cause we are living in a material world  
  
and I am a material girl  
  
You know that we are living in a material world  
  
and I am a material girl.."  
  
He sang until he finished the song, but little did he know that Yusuke had been watching him the entire time! Yusuke was in absolute shock. Hiei was totally high. He started to see little pink elephants fly around the trees overhead. He made his way back to the boom box and pushed the play button on the CD player. Inside of it was his absolute favorite cd.Best Female Artist Hits 80's- 90's. The put the song "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls. Through the fist half of the song he was smoking again and talking to the little pink elephants. Hiei started to strip as he danced and sang along the rest of the song.  
  
"You're the only one who makes me happy honey  
  
*Kurama now arrives to school and finds Yusuke hiding behind a tree in total shock and then joins him when he sees what Hiei is doing*  
  
You're the sun that makes me shine  
  
When you're around me  
  
I'm always laughing  
  
I want to make you mine  
  
I close my eyes  
  
and see you before me  
  
Think I would die  
  
if you were to ignore me  
  
A fool could see  
  
how much I adore you  
  
I get down on my knees  
  
I'd do anything for you.  
  
*now Hiei is in nothing but his tight, silky black underwear shaking his butt (he also is hallucinating 15 of the little pink elephants dancing with him)  
  
I don't want anybody else  
  
When I think about you I touch myself  
  
*by now Yusuke and Kurama have their jaws dropped and have their eyes opened to their maximum*  
  
I don't want anybody else  
  
*still shaking his butt*  
  
Oh no oh no oh no  
  
I want you  
  
I don't want anybody else  
  
And when I think about you I touch myself  
  
Oh oh oh."  
  
When Hiei finished the song, Kurama and Yusuke dropped backwards straight to the floor. It took nearly 5 minutes for them to come back to their senses. They both finally got up and whispered to eachother while Hiei sat down and rolled some more blunts. "What should we do?" asked Yusuke. "I have no idea whatsoever." replied Kurama. "He's totally stoned!.Has he ever done this before???, said Yusuke. "Well.if he has.I've never seen him do it." said Kurama. "Damn.well.at least Kuwabara didn't see any of this.otherwise.Lord only knows what would've happened..." said Yusuke. "Yes.thank God.speaking of Kuwabara..what time does he usually arrive here?" asked Kurama. "Umm.*looking down at his watch* he usually get's here around -*gasp*". Yusuke cut himself off. "what?.Yusuke at what time does he get here?.". "At 7:00.", replied Yusuke. "And what time is it now?", Kurama asked. "*he gulped* It's 7:02.."he said. "Oh NO!" , they both said it in unison.  
  
What will happen next? Will Kuwabara stumble into this entire mess of things? Will Kurama and Yusuke ever recover from this? Will Hiei ever turn back into his normal self? Find out next time on Hiei And Weed. (please give me your feed back and some ideas for the next chapter.) 


	2. Hiei n' Weed: The Union of Kuwabara & Hi...

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of it's characters, although I really do wish that I owned Hiei, and I have no money to give you so please don't sue me.  
  
Thank you for all of your input on this story.I really appreciate it.You may note that used some of your ideas in this chapter.  
  
  
  
"Yusuke!! We can't let Kuwabara find out about this." Said Kurama. "No Shit Damnit. If he finds out, then it'll ruin him forever." Replied Yusuke. "maybe we should try to talk and make our presence known to him." said Kurama. "Great idea. Let's go." Said Yusuke. Hiei was still sitting down on the grass smoking away in his silky, tight black underwear without a care in the world. *Yusuke and Kurama came out from behind the brush* "Hnnnn.*puff*" Hiei smiled Sheepishly. "Look at all of the different colored periwinkles!" Both Kurama and Yusuke had no idea what he was talking about. "Riiiiiight."said Yusuke. "Hiei. Are you feeling alright?" asked a concerned Kurama. "Ofcourse damnit! This shit is awesome! I've never felt better in all my life." Replied Hiei as he took another hit from his blunt. He then started to laugh uncontrollably. "Hahahahahahahaha!" "What? What's so damn funny?" Yusuke asked. "*trying hard to control his laughter* Hnn, look at how the little pink elephants are jumping rope!" said Hiei. "What the hell are you talking about Hiei? I don't see any pink elephants anywhere" said Yusuke. "He's obviously delusional and is hallucinating this entire thing." Replied Kurama. "Well, maybe we should take him home before he embarrasses himself anymore" said Yusuke. Kurama thought for a minute "Good idea Yusuke. Come on Hiei, it's time to go home." Hiei protested "No! I don't wanna go anywhere. I'm staying right here!"  
  
Mean while, "Bye sis. See ya after school." Said a rather tired Kuwabara. "yea, yea. Whatever." Replied his sister as she drove away. He started to walk towards the brush area with a sigh of relief. "Thank God she didn't find out about me going through her secret stash of smokes in her closet." He then giggled to himself. "Damn, I can't believe that she actually had some marijuana in there too. Who would've thought that my sister smoked this stuff?" He took out the lighter from his pants' pocket and flicked it on to light his blunt.  
  
Mean while, "Daaahhh! Shit Hiei! What the hell are you doing?" asked a rather panicked Yusuke. Hiei grabbed him and started to skip around in a circle singing about the little pink elephants that only he could see. Kurama just turned around and sighed " I have a very bad feeling about all of this" he said to himself. Suddenly, Hiei stopped what he was doing completely and dropped himself to the ground with Yusuke. He rolled like 4 more blunts and began to smoke one. "Yusuke?" he asked. "Yes?" Yusuke replied. "Have you ever tried to picture yourself in a boat on a river with tangerine trees and marmalade skies?" Hiei asked him in a serious tone. Yusuke laughed shakily. "No, not really." "Hn. Oh. Then follow them down to a bridge by a fountain where rocking horse people eat marshmellow pies." "Um.Ok.Follow who though?" asked Yusuke, who was now extremely confused at this point. Hiei made a rather annoyed expression "The little pink elephants you baka!" "Wha?.What?." asked a now very frightened Yusuke. "They'll all smile as you drift passed the flowers that grow so incredibly high." Hiei said calmly as he took a few more hits of his blunt. Yusuke answered him confusedly "Um.Yea.Sure.Whatever you say man." Mean while, "Damn, *puff* I sure hope that none of the guys find out about this. Especially that stupid shrimp, otherwise I'll never hear the end of it." Kuwabara had now taken quite a few hits from his joints that he had made. They were rather sloppy looking ones, since he had never made them himself before. (Hiei, on the other hand, rolled them very well, you could probably say that he was an expert at it.) He stayed in the same spot in the brush for some time, and before long, he was now high too. "Gee, maybe I should go look for the guys or something." "Hahahahahahaha!!!" Kuwabara immediately turned around when he heard the sound sound of laughter. "Huh?" he said. He walked about half a block and peered through the bushes only to see Hiei laughing hysterically. "Hiei! Would you please control yourself?" pleaded a now extremely concerned Kurama. He tried to contain his laughter and talk in a serious tone of voice "B Bu But, it's just that now the periwinkles are singing songs to me about the rainbows of the twilight." Both Kurama and Yusuke egg dropped and laughed uneasily once more. Just then Kuwabara burst out from the bushes. "Hey you guys! How's it goin'?" he asked merrily. Yusuke and Kurama panicked and both started to laugh nervously. "Oh!.Just great Kuwabara. Everything is just fine." Blurted Kurama. Just then they saw the sloppy blunt in his hand. "Kuwabara?.Have you been smoking?" Yusuke asked. "Yea, but don't worry I'll be fine." Aid a reassuring Kuwabara. Hiei turned to look at Kuwabara and then gave him a very wide and sheepish grin. "Good!" he said excitedly. "Now you can come and dance with me and the little pink elephants." He finished. "Oh God, here he goes again with the pink elephants." Said Yusuke in a annoyed low tone of voice. "Ok!" said Kuwabara excitedly. Hiei then finished his blunt, grabbed Kuwabara by the arm, and pushed the play button once more on his CD player. The song "I'm To Sexy" came on by Right Said Fred.  
  
Kuwabara and Hiei started to sing and dance widely to the song.  
  
Kuwabara: "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts.  
  
*he ripped his shirt off and started to swing it around*  
  
*Yusuke and Kurama both slap a hand on their own forehead and egg drop*  
  
And I'm to sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan.  
  
*then he took off his pants revealing his white boxers with tiny hearts on them*  
  
I'm too sexy for your party, too sexy for your party, no way I'm disco dancing.  
  
Kuwabara & Hiei: I'm a model, ya know what I mean  
  
*now both of them start to do some crazy form of the tango*  
  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
  
Yea on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yea  
  
I do my little turn on the catwalk.  
  
*both stop their strange form of the tango so Hiei can sing*  
  
Hiei: *very enthusiastically*  
  
I'm too sexy for my car, to sexy for my car, too sexy by far!  
  
And I'm too sexy for my hat, too sexy for my hat.  
  
Now whatcha think about that?  
  
Kuwabara & Hiei: I'm a model, ya know what I mean  
  
*now both of them start to do some crazy form of the tango*  
  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
  
Yea on the catwalk, on the catwalk, yea  
  
I do my little turn on the catwalk.  
  
Kuwabara and Hiei: I'm to sexy for my, too sexy for my, to sexy for my.  
  
Kuwabara & Hiei: *start to tango weirdly again once more only this time Hiei has one of Kurama's roses in his mouth*  
  
I'm a model, ya know what I mean  
  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
  
On the catwalk, on the catwalk, yea  
  
*both start to shake their butts wildly*  
  
*Kurama and Yusuke's eyes widen once more to their maximum and make an extremely terrified face*  
  
I shake my little touché on the catwalk  
  
*stop tangoing*  
  
Kuwabara: *is surrounded by many little dancing kittens that look just like his*  
  
I'm too sexy for my cat, to sexy for my cat  
  
*spanks himself and makes an innocent face*  
  
Poor pussy pussy, poor pussy cat  
  
Hiei: *is now surrounded by the little pink elephants who are dancing once more*  
  
I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love  
  
Love's going to leave me.  
  
Kuwabara & Hiei: I'm too sexy for this song.  
  
*both strike very strange looking ending poses*"  
  
Following their horrifying act, they sat bacl down on the ground and resumed their smoking. Now, both Kurama and Yusuke were at a total loss of words once more. They both began to sob uncontrollably from the trauma they had just experienced. Both Yusuke and Kurama, "WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Then they both dropped backwards straight onto the ground once more.  
  
What will happen next? Will all of the horrific acts of song and dance cease? Will Kurama and Yusuke ever recover from their both terrifying and traumatizing experience? Will Hiei's supply of weed ever run out damnit?! Find out next time on Hiei n' Weed 


	3. Hiei n' Weed: The Beginning of a Rivalry

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of it's characters, but damn I wish that I could at least own Hiei.  
  
Sorry that it took me a bit longer to create chapter 3, but I really had to think a bit harder on this one. Hopefully this one will be as good as the rest are. If not than I promise the next one will be more exciting. (please give me some more input) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
It was now almost 7:30am. The bell for 1st period was going to ring at any minute. Kurama managed to get himself up and then helped the still traumatized Yusuke rise to his feet. He managed to speak as he looked down at his watch. "Oh no!.The bell is about to ring and I promised Keiko that I would get to class early today to study for the exam." "Yusuke, this is serious. We must stay here and keep a good eye on them. Otherwise, who knows what they'll both do next." Said Kurama in a serious tone of voice. "Well, I guess you're right. We should stay here with them." Said Yusuke. "Yes!" Yusuke said in mind. "Now I have a great excuse for missing school." "So what do we do now?" asked Kurama. "Beats me." replied Yusuke. They both sat down with the others on the ground to try think of a plan to help their friends out. "I can't believe that you guys smoke, and of all people, Hiei!" Yusuke said." Hiei looked at Yusuke for a moment, cracked a smile, then turned his head and put his hand over his mouth as he giggled. Yusuke became annoyed once more. "Grrr, what is it this time damnit?" Hiei managed to keep a straight face for a moment. "It's just that you act so surprised to see me here smoking when you yourself do the same." "What?!" Yusuke said said in surprise. Hiei began to laugh once more before he spoke. "Hahahaha. Oh, who are you are trying to fool Yusuke?! I see do it every morning damnit!" said Hiei. "Hmmm. He's got a point. How else did you find him here?" Kurama asked curiously. "Ok ok. I'll admit it, I smoke." Yusuke thought for a moment before he continued. "Hey, wait just a second Kurama. You came here here on your own too! Why the hell did you come over here in the first place?." Yusuke asked. Kurama let out a small gasp of surprise. "I-I-uhh." Yusuke gave them a confident smirk. "Gee Kurama. I never thought I'd see the day that you smoked." "Ok, you got me, but I only come to do so on very few occasions." Kurama admitted to them. Hiei smiled sheepishly and let out an excited laugh." HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Then that means that we can all smoke together!" Kurama and Yusuke egg dropped and laughed nervously as they both accepted a joint from him. Yusuke spoke in a serious tone. "We have to promise never to tell anyone about this, especially Keiko, ok?" "No problem." replied Kurama. Kurama coughed. "Are you alright?" asked Yusuke as he took a hit from the joint. "Yes, it's just thatI don't usually smoke, Yusuke, so I'm not really used to it." replied Kurama. "Yea, I know what you mean. I'm not at all used to this stuff right here. It's very strong. I usually just smoke a cigarette or two." Explained Yusuke. Kurama nodded.  
  
"Wow, Kuwabara has been silent now for quite some time. I wonder what he's thinking about?" said Kurama. "Good point." Yusuke said in agreement and then continued. "Hey Kuwabara? Are you still with us man?" Yusuke asked. "SHHH! Be quite damnit! I can't hear the kittens' story about the dingo rats." Replied a very serious looking Kuwabara. "Riiiiiiight." said Yusuke. So, it was now clear that everyone in the group smoked at least somewhat (Though Hiei was the one who was the real expert and a secret major drug dealer.).  
  
They all began to smoke until they were high or even higher. Kurama, wasn't really effected by the weed that much. He remained in character for the most part, with the exception that he was a lot more laid back and open minded. Yusuke, was a bit more effected than him though. He thought that he was an Indian and kept on running around making strange noises. Kuwabara was still conversing with the little kittens and exchanging stories with them. Hiei was by far extremely out of character at this point. There was no hope for him.  
  
"OOOOOOBWOOOOBWOOOOOOO!" Yusuke ran around patting his hand over his mouth like an Indian and called himself "Squaling Quail". Hiei ran around singing a strange tune with a sheepish smile across his face. "Rabbits, Weasles, and Periwinkles!." He repeated the same thing while skipping around in a circle for about 5 minutes. Kurama knelt down to smell all the flowers in the ground. "*deep breathe and sigh* Ahhhhh. Flowers are so wonderful." Kurama said in contentment. "*big gasp* They didn't!." Kuwabara said in total shock to the kittens he was speaking to. Meanwhile, Hiei was still skipping around and was now picking flowers. "Hn. Look at all the pretty flowers!" Hiei said with glee as he place some in his hair. Kurama turned around and spoke to Hiei in a rather angry tone. "Hey! Leave the flowers alone! They're my best friends!" said Kurama. "No! I'm getting some for my friends, the little pink elephants." Replied Hiei. Yusuke stopped his rain dance and looked at them both and spoke in a deep voice. "I am one with nature and all living things. Do not under estimate my power! I shall decide who gets these flowers." They both looked at Yusuke with hope, who now had garments made of leaves on. He sat down next to Kuwabara and the others did as well. "Now, I shall decide what I'm going to decide." Said Yusuke with a serious look on his face. "Give them to me Squaling Quail! I'm going to use them to make neckolaces for my pink friends." Said Hiei. "No! Give them to me! I'm talk to them and tell them nice things about colors." Shouted an angry Kurama. "Silence!" shouted Yusuke. "I have made my decision." Yusuke continued. "I'll give each of you one half of the field. Hiei get's the west side and Kurama get's the east side." They both nodded and resumed there ways. Hiei was making lays out of the flowers for his little friends, when he made a stunned expression and suddenly gasped. The others turned around to see what had happened. "It has come to my attention that I am, infact, really a-a-a." he paused for a moment. "A Mexican Whooping Llama!" announced Hiei. They all suddenly gasped as well and then resumed to their activities.  
  
What will happen next? Will Kurama and Hiei's truse last? Will Kuwabara ever stop sharing stories with the little kittens? Will they all sing and dance together? Find out next time on Hiei n' Weed! 


	4. Hiei n' Weed: The Truce is Broken

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of it's characters, but for once can I please just  
  
own Hiei? Even if it's for like 3 seconds? Please?  
  
  
  
  
  
Note: This is Hiei's supply of weed. It's far more stronger than ours. So it really messes you up if you do way too much..  
  
  
  
Ehem, Anyway, I'd like to thank Dragon Master Lytore and Onyx Sapphire for your input in this story.I based a couple things on their ideas. It'll really give it a twist as you'll see later on in the next chapter. Which by the way, it should kick some major ass, I promise! (you'll also note that I changed Yusuke's name from "Squaling Quail" to "Squatting Quail" only because it sounds funnier.)  
  
  
  
*Star Wars music begins to play* *A black starry back round appears and gold letters begin to scroll up the screen and a deep voice narrates them*  
  
We last left the team out in a brushy field area not too far from their school. As you already know, both Yusuke and Kurama joined both Kuwabara and Hiei in their state of highness. Yusuke, became a crazed Indian chief who called himself "Squatting Quail". Also, Kurama, (which I failed to mention [sorry(] ) became a flower child/hippy who claimed that he was one with the flowers. Hiei now thinks that he is a descendent of the great legendary "Mexican Whooping Llama" and has now started making lays out of flowers for his little pink elephant friends. Kuwabara, was still talking with his little kitten friends. Unaware to us during this time, however, Kuwabara secretly became an American Armed Forces Commander, calling himself General Kazuma, who thought he had to fight in Vietnam and made his own Elite Kitten Army Force.  
  
In time, as you know, both Kurama and Hiei formed a rivalry against eachother and fought over who the field of flowers rightfully belonged to. "Squatting Quail" saw this however and formed a truce between them by granting them each one half of the field; Kurama the east, and Hiei the west. All seemed well to the gang to resume to their ways in peace in prosperity. Or so they thought.  
  
*the whole Star Wars thing ends and we join the team back where we last left them.*  
  
*rustling of brush* Yusuke was running like the wind through the brush area to the field. "Something isn't right. I sense that this truce that I have made between them won't last. I must hurry to them before it's too late." He said to himself.  
  
Meanwhile, Kurama who was now dressed entirely in flower printed hippy clothes, had made himself a rather large tower and was now painting the outside pink. "The flowers will sure dig this once I've finished it. I think I'll call it "The Flower Tower". And just by coincidence, Hiei's boom box started playing the song "Along the Watch Tower" by Jimi Hendrix. He looked out into the east only to see Kurama painting huge flowers on a large tower-like structure. Hiei disregarded his rival's doings and continued making flower lays. After making about 5 lays, he took a break to role himself a blunt. A small flame came out of the tip of his finger and with it he lighted the joint. He took a couple hits from it. "Why the hell does that ass insist on loving the flowers and being friends with them?" Hiei laughed and smiled widely for a moment. "It's not like they actually respect him back. I mean come on! If they were yelling and swearing at me, than they're most likely doing the same to him." He took another hit before he continued and then look over at his pink friends. "See, that's why I'm friends with you guys, because you understand and respect me." They all looked at him gratefully and smiled. Hiei then fell over and began to laugh uncontrollably for no apparent reason.  
  
Yusuke finally found the field. Even though the area wasn't all that large. He saw Hiei rise up from the ground to continue making lays. "Maybe I should talk to him. He doesn't seem to understand nature's ways. If I teach him, maybe he will be more appreciative of the flowers." With that said, he approached Hiei, who was still laughing and smiling sheepishly. "Come with me Hiei. It is time that you understand and appreciate nature." Hiei lifted an eyebrow at him. "Hnn. What is so important about nature? It sure doesn't ever do anything nice for me." Squating Quail let out a small sigh. "Oh but it is. It's very important. Here, let me show you. He helped him up and led him into the brush he had just come out of. *Pocahontas "Colors of the Wind" seem appears, only that Yusuke is Pocahontas and instead if John Smith, it's Hiei *  
  
Yusuke: You think you own whatever land you land on.  
  
That the earth is just a dead thing you can claim.  
  
But I know every rock and tree and creature,  
  
Has a life, has a spirit, has a name.  
  
You think the only people who are people  
  
Are people who look and think like you.  
  
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger,  
  
You'll learn things you never knew you never knew.  
  
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?  
  
Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grins?  
  
Can you sing with all the voices of a mountain?  
  
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?  
  
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind? Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest.  
  
Come taste the sun sweet berries of the earth.  
  
Come roll in all the retches all around you.  
  
And for once never wonder what their worth.  
  
The rainstorm and the river are my brothers.  
  
The heron and the otter are my friends.  
  
And we are all connected to each other.  
  
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends.  
  
Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?  
  
Or let the eagle tell you where he's been?  
  
Can you sing with all the voices of the mountain?  
  
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?  
  
Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?  
  
How high do sycamores grow?  
  
If you cut them down, then you'll never know.  
  
And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon.  
  
For whether we are white or copper skinned.  
  
We need to sing with all the voices of the mountain.  
  
We need to paint with all the colors of the wind.  
  
You can own this earth and still  
  
It is only earth until  
  
You can paint with all the colors  
  
Of the wind. *the seen fades and everything returns back to normal* "Hn. Now I understand Squatting Quail. I understand everything." Said Hiei in a serious and reassuring tone of voice. "Very well then. I shall go on knowing that I have left you and this land in peace." They both walked back out into the field.  
  
Meanwhile, Kurama had just completed his Flower Tower and was now listening to the flowers' thoughts on it. "Wow Kurama, it's beautiful!" said one of the smaller lavender periwinkles. "Nothing else in this whole field can beat this!" said a daisy. "You know what would be even nicer? Is if we make another tower just like it on the other side of the field." Suggested one of Kurama's roses. This rose had a tendency to start trouble and liked to too. "Hmm." the other flowers thought to themselves for a moment. "Sounds like a good idea." Said one of the dandy lions. "Yeah, that's a great idea!" one of the taller daisies said aloud. "Wait." Kurama said startling the all flowers on his side. "What about the truce? Hiei and I both were given one side of the field by Squatting Quail, and we aren't to interfere with each other's sides." He continued. "So what? Who cares about Hiei?! And who is Squatting Quail to tell us what we can and can not do?!" pointed out Kurama's rose. "Yeah!" shouted all the other flowers. "I'm not too sure about this. We'll probably get in big trouble for doing this. And besides, how would we build it there in the first place?" asked a rather nervous Kurama. "Duh! All we have to do is just take over his side. We'll take the offense before he get's a chance to." Replied the rose. "So, what d'ya say Kurama? Are you in?" asked the rose. "Well, ok fine. We'll do it, but we're going to need some help. Remember you guys are just small flowers, and even though I'm very strong, I won't be able to beat him. Especially since he has all of those pink elephants aiding him." Said Kurama. "You have a point there. However, I have solution." Replied the rose, looking over at Kuwabara, who was commanding his Elite Kitten Army right outside the field.  
  
Meanwhile, "Hmm, even though I cleared up everything with Hiei, I still feel as though there is something wrong about all of this. I have a bad feeling about all of this." Thought a rather concerned Squatting Quail, who was now sitting high up in a tree over looking the field.  
  
"Forward, March! Left, left, left, right left." Shouted General Kazuma. He continued to march them while saying his lefts, column lefts, rights, column rights, flanks, etc. "Hey! Kuwabara!" He turned his head to see who was shouting his name so rudely. It was Kurama and his evil rose ofcourse. "What do you want?!!" asked an angry General Kazuma. "I was wondering if you would be interested in a preposition." Replied Kurama. General Kazuma turned to face his battalion. "Battalion, Halt! Fall Out!" After giving out those commands, he turned back around to face Kurama and his rose. "So, what is this preposition you have for me?" he asked curiously. "Well, for you to help us fight against the west side and take it over." Kurama replied simply. "And what do I get in return if I do this?" asked a still suspicious General Kazuma. "Anything you want. Just name it and we'll see if we can do it." said the rose. "Ok, then in that case, I want you to build me a giant watch tower in the middle of the field." Said the general. "Um I dunno if tha-" the rose was cut off by Kurama. "Fine, it's a deal! Now let's start planning." Little did they know that Squatting Quail overheard this. "Oh no! I must inform the west side of this." He said as he began to run towards the other side.  
  
Meanwhile, "So what do you think of this color?" asked Hiei. "It's excellent. I totally love how you mixed the blue, red, and yellow flowers together." Said one of the little pink elephants who was sitting by him. Hiei smiled warmly and giggled like a school girl. "Thank you." "So, how are your personal periwinkle lays coming along?" asked another pink elephant who was on his other side. "Pretty good actually. So far I've made a red one, a yellow one, and a blue one, that makes 5." He replied. "Um, 3 sir." Said one of the elephants that was behind him. "Oh." Said Hiei. "Oohhh." said just about all of the elephants. Just then, Squatting Quail came flying out of the bushes. "Hiei, my friend, You are in grave danger!" he exclaimed. The others gasped. "What kind of danger?" asked Hiei curiously and concerned. "The east side is going to start a war against the west side to take it over. Kurama made a deal with General Kazuma to help them fight against you with his Elite Kitten Army Force. They are still planning right now as we speak. We don't have much time." Squatting Quail stated flatly. Everyone gasped even more so at this statement. Hiei became worried "*Gasp* This is horrible! Whatever shall we do?" "I am willing to help you fight against them. They are going to take the offense on us. The good news is that they don't know that we know. So let us get ready for this battle." Squatting Quail said. They began to make plan for the war. After each side was done they got ready.  
  
"Battalion, attention!" Shouted General Kazuma, who was now dressed in all camouflage with an army helmet and face paint. The Elite Kitten Army Force was dressed just the same as him. "I don't want any screw ups! Only do what I command you to! Now are you ready to kick some ass?!!" he continued. "YES, GENERAL KAZUMA!" the kittens shouted. "Very good. Now fall out and go to your battle stations." Said the general. "This should be very interesting." Said the rose evilly. "Oh no! They're getting ready to fire Hiei." Said one of the pink elephants watching the east side in a near by tree. "Ok everyone, listen up!" shouted Hiei. *plays the song Stop by Buffalo Spring Field* Hiei: There's something happening here.  
  
What it is ain't exactly clear.  
  
There's a man with a gun over there.  
  
Telling me I've got to beware.  
  
I think it's time we  
  
Stop, Children. What's that sound?  
  
Everybody look what going down.  
  
Hiei was interrupted by gun shots being fired. "Hnn. They've started already?"  
  
All of the elephants and Hiei now had Indian face paint and weapons. "Ready, aim, fire!" shouted Squatting Quail. They fire they're spears, arrows, etc. at the east. "FIRE DAMNIT!! I SAID FIRE!!!!" shouted General Kazuma. "Damn those Vietnamese to hell!! They're so damn short that I can't even aim right at them cause I can't see them!!!" he continued. "Fire the FLAME CATAPULT!!" shouted Squatting Quail. At that command, all of the pink elephants fired the catapults. "AHHHHH!" all of the flowers screamed along with the kittens as a dozen fire balls came flying onto the east side. This angered General Kazuma "GRRR! FIRE THE M60S!!!!!!!!!!" he shouted. And with that, the kittens got on their stools and fired the m60s. All of the pink elephants screamed as the bullets came flying towards their side. After each side ran out of bullets/fire balls, the east sides used grenade launchers and the west side used flaming arrows. Little by little, each side began to grow weaker and weaker. "What do we do? The Elite Kitten Army Force is growing weak." Kurama said to his rose. "Yeah, true, but so are the pink elephants." Replied the rose. "We can't keep this up for long. I'm going to have to use." Kurama paused for a moment. ".My flower attack." "No! You don't have to use that!" shouted the rose. "I'm afraid so my friend" said Kurama. To the west, the problem was the same. "Hiei! The barricades are being knocked down and 2 of us as well." Yelled on of the little pink elephants. "K'so! So far we've lost Vincent, Gregory, and Eugene that's 5 gaurds!" "Um, 3 sir." the elephant replied. Hiei paused for a moment before he continued. "I've had enough of Kurama and his stupid east side! They went to far and broke all the rules. Now it's time for me to step in." exclaimed Hiei. "B-But Hiei? Won't that just make things even worse?" asked one of his smaller friends. "Maybe, but they've left me with no choice." He replied as he started to walk toward the dividing line. "Hiei, wait!" yelled Squatting Quail. *Pocahontas music to Listen With Your Heart comes on* Yusuke: Que Que Naturah  
  
You will understand.  
  
Listen with your heart  
  
You will understand.  
  
Let it break upon you like a wave upon the sand.  
  
Listen with your heart  
  
You will understand *song ends*  
  
"I will not fail you Yu- I mean Squatting Quail." Said Hiei. "Good, always remember that." Squatting Quail replied. Hiei ran to the division line. "Do you think he'll be alright?" asked a young little pink elephant. "He'll do just fine. I know it." said Squatting Quail. "Hey!! Kurama!! I've had enough of this nonsense! It's pay back time!!" Shouted Hiei as he began to power up. "Oh really? Then let's get this shit started you ass!!" said Kurama as he too began to power up. "Bring it on you skanky Bitch!!!" Hiei shouted back. "AIIIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYIYI!" he scream his Mexican Whooping Llama call as he unleashed his Black Dragon Attack. "Not so fast pal!!!FLOOOOOWER POOOOOWER!!!!!! Kurama released his Rose Whip attack only this time tons of hippy flowers came shooting out when he released it. Hiei and Kurama kept struggling to gain control over each other's attack. In any other situation, Hiei would obviously have the upper hand with his attack, being that no ones ever technically survived it. However, note that in the beginning of the story it was mentioned that drugs make him a lot weaker than usual. So they both were equally matched in this case. The battle raged between them for a long time. Each side gave up fighting a long time ago, because they were all too weak. "You'll never win Hiei!!!" Kurama shouted. "Wanna bet?!!!" Hiei yelled back at him as he unleashed more energy. The insult and yelling went on for a while. Until suddenly. "What's that noise?" asked Squatting Quail. "Hey, I think I'm hearing music! Those damn Vietnamese have made me go insane!" General Kazuma yelled. Squatting Quail heard him. "No, your not. There is music, and I think it's coming from over there." He replied as he pointed toward a vehicle that was about 100ft away. They could hear the bass to the song "Hypnotize" by Notorious B.I.G. could be heard in the distance. It was a big black Escalade equipped with subwoofers and the works. The sound of it moving down through the field caused both Hiei and Kurama to stop fighting. "Who could that possibly be?" asked Kurama. "I don't know, I just don't know." replied Hiei. All four of them were stunned at this resent discovery as they watched the vehicle get closer and closer.  
  
Who could this person be? What do they have in store for the gang? Will the war ever end? Will the rivalry between Hiei and Kurama diminish? Could things possibly get any crazier than they already are? Fine out next time on Hiei n' Weed! 


	5. Hiei n' Weed: The Very Unexpected Guests

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho or anyone else that I use in this story.  
  
:::Cheers::: one of my favorite chapters is up!!! I know you'll like this one better than my last one. I've put a lot more thought into this one. So please enjoy. ^-^  
  
All of the fighting stopped and everyone completely dropped what they were doing. The music became louder and louder as it came closer. They watched the black escalade until it finally stopped in front of them. The driver seat door opened followed by the passenger seat door. "Out from the driver's seat came Notorious BIG and from the passenger's seat came Tupac. "What the hell?! Said Kuwabara as they both rushed to open the back passenger seat door behind the driver seat door. They carefully helped out the rather small person. Kurama suddenly spoke "*gasp* Koenma?" "Ahh, who the hell cares about him damnit?!" said Yusuke. Just then Notorious BIG turned around and spoke. "Youz gotta problem niga?" he cracked his knuckles. "Noto-rio-us B-B-IG? B-b-but you your dead!" replied a very shocked Yusuke. "So? Wut does dat gotta do wit anything dawg?" asked Tupac as he turned to face them. "T-T-Tupac! Dahhh! But you're dead too." Kuwabara said shocked.  
  
"Would you two please shut up and let me explain?!" yelled Koenma. Kuwabara and Yusuke just stood there in shock. "Biggy?! I thought I told you turn off the music when we stopped?!" Koenma said annoyed. "Umm, right away sir!" said BIG as he hurried to turn off the music. " And you Tupac! I thought I told you to put away those files in the trunk." Koenma said again. "Yes! Sure thing sir!" Tupac replied nervously. "Hey! What are you guys so scared of Koenma for? It's not like he can hurt you, just look at how small he is." Yusuke said. "Because if they don't listen to me I'll just banish them back into the Spirit World." Koenma replied." "Tell me, who are these people you've brought with you Koenma?" asked Kurama. Both Kuwabara and Yusuke egg dropped and fell backwards. "They go by the names Notorious BIG and Tupac. They both used to be famous rappers hear on ear years ago-" Hiei interrupted him with sheepish laughter. "Tupac? Kinda sounds like tucan! HAHA!" the others just sweat dropped. Tupac wasn't amused "You gotta problem wit ma name niga?" "No." replied Hiei calmly. Then he lost control of his laughter once more and began to make bird noises at him. Tupac lunged at him, but BIG held him back. "GRR! Let me at him! Don't try an hold me nack ma niga. I'ma bust his stupid ass!" "Contain yourself! Or I'll send you back damnit!!" Koenma yelled.  
  
Tupac stopped and watched as Hiei made stupid faces at him. "Now where was I? Oh yes, Now they both made millions of dollars and were very successful until they started a rivalry and it grew worse and worse until it lead to both of their deaths." "How tragic." said Kurama. "But if you guys hate each other so much than why are you here together?" asked Kuwabara. "Because they solved their differences in the Spirit World." Replied Koenma. BIG added to that "Yea, an now we be straight. Can you feel me ma niga?" "Yea Yea, fosho." replied Tupac as they both did their special hand shake. "That's why I brought them here. To resolve all of your differences. You see, I saw the entire thing through my own special sources and it was ridiculous." Said Koenma bluntly. "Really?" asked Yusuke innocently. "Yes, unfortunately." replied Koenma.  
  
He continued. "Now the only thing important that remains is-" He was cut off by Hiei. "-to make sure that all of the little pink elephants are ok??!!" Hiei asked enthusiastically with a sheepish grin. "Umm, no actually I-" Koenma was cut off once more instead this time by Kuwabara. "-Or maybe my little kittens, they're important too you know!!" He grinned sheepishly as well. "Now all of you guys say sorry to eachother at once." Said Koenma strongly. They all did as they were told. "They all burst out in tears rushing out like water falls and had one big group hug. "Alright, now that that's over with, we can have some fun!" Koenma said. The others immediately discontinued their sappiness. "Hit it boys!" shouted Koenma to Biggy and Tupac. They both nodded in reply and got out turn tables and the works and played the song YMCA by The Village People. (mind you that they're all still in the costumes that they were before only now Koenma was dressed as a fireman and Biggy and Tupac were dressed as cops [go figure].  
  
*Koenma* Young man, there's no need to feel down.  
  
I said, young man, pick your self off the ground.  
  
I said, young man, cause you're new in town.  
  
There's no need to be unhappy.  
  
*Kurama* Young man, there's a place you can go.  
  
I said, young man, when you're short on your dough.  
  
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find  
  
Many ways to have a good time.  
  
*Kuwabara* It's fun to stay at the  
  
*everyone* Y M C A  
  
*Kuwabara* It's fun to stay at the  
  
*everyone* Y M C A  
  
*Yusuke* They have everything for you men to enjoy.  
  
You can hang out with all the boys.  
  
*Kuwabara* It's fun to stay at the  
  
*everyone* Y M C A  
  
*Kuwabara* It's fun to stay at the  
  
*everyone* Y M C A  
  
*Yusuke* You can get yourself cleaned, you can have a good meal,  
  
You can do whatever you feel.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Cold water is poured onto Hiei's face)  
  
"DAAAAAAHHHHH!" Hiei yelled. He instantly rose to his feet and began to panic. "Where am I??! And why the hell did you pour cold water on my face?!!!" he asked angrily. "Woah! Chill out Hiei! You've been passed out all day." Said Yusuke. "W-What? But I-" He was interrupted by Kurama. "We found you outside, not to far from school in some brush covered area." Yusuke continued. "Yeah, and we got a little worried, so we just brought you to Kurama's house and lest you get some rest." "Then after school ended we came back to check up on you. We decided that since you were still sleeping when we arrived that we should wake you to make sure you were alright." Replied Kurama. "Well, I'm fine damnit, so can I please go now?" said Hiei rather annoyed and confused. "Are you sure you're feeling ok now?" asked a still skeptical Yusuke. "Yes, you baka!" replied Hiei. And with that, he was off to his home. 


	6. Hiei n' Weed: The Trauma Comes to an End...

Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of it's characters. Hnn, I wonder how much it would cost to own Hiei. Wow, that would be so co0OL! Ehem, anyway, on with the story.  
  
Yusuke sighed in relief. "It's good thing that Hiei didn't find out that we saw him ehh do what he did." "Yes, it would have completely demolished his ego if he knew that he had been acting like such a-" Yusuke interrupted. "Stupid ass? Yep that would've destroyed him for sure. Esspecially since he spent half the time dancing and singing with Kuwabara." They both thought about what had occurred once more and burst out into uncontrollable laughter. "I was so happy that they both finally passed out after preformed that second song for us, or I would've been traumatized for life!" said Yusuke. "And thank goodness that whatever Kuwabara smoked knocked him out too. Otherwise, that would have been a disaster." Said Kurama. Yusuke continued. "Yeah, it's also a good thing that we took him back home and cleaned him up, because I know that whatever Kuwabara had he most likely took from his sister's stash. And she would've had a fit if she that he was going through her stuff." They both laughed a bit more and then resumed to their normal ways.  
  
Mean while, Kuwabara sat on the couch eating a snack. "Man, that is by far the weirdest dream I've ever had in my life! I'm never smoking that shit again." He said. "Gee, all I can remember is smoking and then dreaming about singing and dancing, but after that everything is a total blank. Ahh, whatever, that's what I get for smoking whatever it is I was smoking." He thought to himself. "Oh well, I wonder what's on the Disney Channel?" Kuwabara picked up the remote and changed the channel to Disney.  
  
Hiei was now at his house on his couch as well. "Kuso! I can't ever let that happen again!" He said to himself. "I'm too vulnerable when I'm in that state that those damn baka humans call highness. That's the last time I smoke when I'm out somewhere. I'll just have to restrict myself to weekends now, and I'll have to smoke a lot less to top it off." He paused think for a moment and sighed. "I can't believe that it was all just a dream. It felt so damn real." He stood up and proceeded up to his bedroom.  
  
*3 weeks later on a Saturday afternoon*  
  
Hiei had smoked again for the first time in 3 over weeks. Though he didn't have enough to make him pass out and have very strange dreams, he did have enough to make him hallucinate and act a bit strange again.  
  
The song Time of My Life comes on from the movie Dirty Dancing. Hiei is surrounded by many little pink elephants.  
  
*Hiei* (in tight silky black underwear once more) Now I've had the time of my life  
  
No I never felt like this before  
  
Yes I swear it's the truth And I owe it all to you  
  
*one of the little pink elephants* 'Cause I've had the time of my life  
  
And I owe it all to you  
  
*Hiei* I've been waiting for so long  
  
Now I've finally found someone  
  
To stand by me  
  
*one of the little pink elephants* We saw the writing on the wall  
  
As we felt this magical  
  
Fantasy  
  
*Hiei and the little pink elephant* Now with passion in our eyes  
  
There's no way we could disguise it  
  
Secretly  
  
So we take each other's hand  
  
'Cause we seem to understand  
  
The urgency  
  
Just remember  
  
*Hiei* You're the one thing  
  
I can't get enough of  
  
So I'll tell you something  
  
*both* This could be love  
  
Because  
  
*Everyone* I've had the time of my life  
  
No I never felt this way before  
  
Yes I swear it's the truth  
  
And I owe it all to you  
  
(song continues in the same paturn until it finishes and then the seen fades out)  
  
Oh my gosh, I'm finally finished!!! :::CHEERS::: Well, I'm sorry that the last 2 chapters were short but I really didn't think that it was necessary to extend my story any further. Well, please let me know what you think, and please no flames. Thank you for reading my fic! ( 


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